


Squidward has yet another shitty fucking day Chapter 1

by meteoroidrush



Category: Seinfeld, SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon), Super Mario & Related Fandoms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:33:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22836337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meteoroidrush/pseuds/meteoroidrush
Summary: Squidward gets on discord after a tough day of work only to be persecuted once again by his halfwit friends
Relationships: Squidward Tentacles/Cosmo Kramer
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	Squidward has yet another shitty fucking day Chapter 1

"So long simpletons!" said squidward, removing his uniform after another brutal twelve hour shift at the krusty Krab. "By Monday I'll be living the dream in a foreign city!"

"Yarr, no you probably won't squidward, you have an MFA in art history and terrible people skills, you will probably work here for the rest of your life, eg eg eg," said mr krabs, which made Squidward feel very upset but he didn't really have a good response because he wasn't expecting the conversation to get so real so he just kind of stood there for a second and then walked out the door.

When he got home, all he wanted was to microwave a pizza and get on his computer, which was a big clam. when he logged on to discord, he saw that two of his friends, Seinfeld Universe Cosmo Kramer and Luigi Mario, were in the voice channel! Right then it was called #girugamesh which was some reference that only Luigi understood but when anyone tried to change it Luigi would just change it back so they just left it like that.

"Hey whats up gaylords," said squidward right after joining the chat.

"hey squidward," said kramer through his high quality Audio Technica mic, "we were just about to do a flockmod collaborative drawing if you want to join."

"No Flockmod is stupid, it doesn't have undos, let's do a Drawpile," replied squidward tentacles.

"squidward drawpile only works when you host it, i don't want to draw on your slow underwater internet, it would be worse then the time me and george had to go to elaine's wedding and ended up accidentally eating the ring and getting run out of town by an angry mob" said kramer out loud.

"I'm seriously only doing it if we do drawpile, you know my art style needs undos so if we do a Flockmod I can't draw in my special Squidward style"

"cmon guys please don't fight," said luigi

"Luigi turn up your mic sensitivity" "what luigi? I can't hear you" said squidward and kramer at the same time

"i said don't fight please"

"oh my god fine, what's the password for the drawpile squidward" asked kramer

"It's 'gaben'," snickered squidward nasally, and they all logged on to the drawpile. For the next fifteen minutes they chatted while squidward got into his art zone by taking heaving gulps of his favorite cola royal crown cola and doing really big gesture drawings on the background layer. Finally he began to chip away at his masterpiece like Michael angelo sculpting the david. After another half hour of drawing while listening to green day holiday over and over again on loop, he was done. "Finished!" announced squidward. "I call it _Bold and Brash_."

kramer zoomed out to see a really detailed anime swordsman with different colored eyes. "looks fucking shitty" said kramer from seinfeld, "it's even less good of a drawing than the episode where jerry tried to draw a picture of bryan cranston's dentist character and it turned out poorly so bryan cranston committed malpractice and removed all of jerry's teeth, also i can literally see the photo you traced for the body, just because you hide the layer for yourself doesn't hide it for everybody else"

"yeah the facial proportions are pretty off squidward, did you try applying the rule of eight? yahoo" said luigi

"NO I DIDN'T TRACE IT IT'S NOT TRACED," screamed squidward as he frantically deleted the photo layer, "AND THAT'S HOW I DRAW FACES IT'S MY STYLE, ALL you GUYS DRAW IS YOUR STUPID SONIC OCS SO HOW WOULD YOU KNOW HOW TO DRAW FACES."

Squidward stood up. "Fuck you kramer, I'm going to the bathroom"

"yeah ok whatever, I was gonna go over to jerry seinfeld's apartment real quick and get some triscuits anyway," said kramer

"no don't leave me alone again man, i'm scared of boos" whined luigi

"alright fine," said kramer, and Squidward tabbed out and went to the bathroom.

a weirdly long amount of time to spend in the bathroom later, squidward returned to his desk feeling refreshed. but when he put his headset back on, he noticed that kramer was snickering. "Hey whats so funny" asked squidward. but when he tabbed back in, he noticed that kramer had defaced his drawing with poorly drawn penises!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"  squidward immediately began to scream so loud that the speakers on his headset exploded.

"Hey squidward, whats wrong? da a a a a." said spongebob peeking through the bedroom door.

"Spongebob get out of here right now I'm literally not even joking, this is not a fun time for me I'm not in the mood to do light silly banter, literally you need to get out of my easter island head this exact instant or i might hurt you and it won't be my fault cause I'm not in control of my actions" said squidward hunched over and typing furiously in the chat. Squidwards bloodlusted WPM was well into the thousands, so his angry message soon eclipsed the discord message length limit. He pasted it into a text file on his desktop but he only had 18.7 gigabytes free on his hard drive, which he filled up almost immediately with his hateful invective directed at kramer and all his loved ones, including his friends bob sacamano and newman. He spent seven dollars on a terabyte of cloud storage which he used up completely no more than fifteen seconds after he originally started typing. he pasted a link to the message in chat, but kramer responded with a trollface png. at this point squadward wasn't even mad anymore, because he's was honestly just sitting there laughing because of how pathetic kramer is being. who would think that you can respond to a well reasoned argument with just a trollface and also a message that said "wait jesus christ how long is this, this is longer than the two part episode "The Bottle Deposit"" but squidward wasn't really paying attention at that point.

"Heh, heh, heh," chortled squidward, "one day I'll be rich and famous and they'll all be bagging my groceries all at the same time, I will hire them all to repeatedly bad and unbag the same groceries and pay them less than minimum wage, which is even lower in the ocean than in missouri." As night fell, squidward went to bed and thought about all the fun adventures he had. While he was asleep his investments lost several thousand dollars.

THE END


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